American Idol 2011: Nashville Brings The Highs, The Lows, & The Sexist

american idol 2011 frederick m brown getty images American Idol 2011: Nashville Brings The Highs, The Lows, & The Sexist

Photo by Frederick M. Brown//Getty Images

We’re not sure how the judging process works for American Idol or who goes through, but seventeen thousand Nashville hopefuls either got their pop star dreams broken to pieces or some cursory accolades before departing to another grueling audition in the fair city of Hollywood, California.

Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are proving to be infinitely better judges than Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul.

Or if not “better,” per se, much less annoying. Tyler is quirky, friendly, and downright lecherous; Lopez has an infinite amount of sparkly beige, gold, and white garments we want to steal. Randy Jackson.

Well. Enough about him.

The Good:

There were really only two performances of the night that we thought deserving of Hollywood, but maybe that’s just us channeling our inner Simon Cowell.

A model-esque black girl adopted to white parents at 2-years-old, 22-year-old Adrienne Beasley gave a gorgeous performance. Tyler is right; there is something special in her voice and presence that goes beyond looks and talent. Maybe her life as a fresh-faced farm girl has something to do with it, but we shall see later in the season. We are positive Beasley will move on.

One of the best auditions we’ve ever seen in American Idol history came from 15-year-old Lauren Alaina. She will undoubtedly be America’s rough-edged, golden-locked sweetheart. Inspired by her brain tumor afflicted cousin, Holly, to pursue a singing hobby, Alaina is everything Kelly Clarkson was–and more. She’s smart, super-young, pretty in that way the American society likes, and has the most unusual voice we’ve heard all season. Plus, she made Steven Tyler sing his own song with her.

The Bad:

Younique. Maybe just typing her made up name is enough. Younique came to the audition dressed in a royal blue, diamond-lined evening gown, looking like a demented 12-year-old dressing up in her sister’s clothing. She told the judges that she was already a recording artist then proceeded to make us scared for our lives with both her pitchy voice and her bug eyes.

The WTH:

Enter Miss Stormi Henley (yes, real name.) This southern knock-out was 2009’s Miss Teen USA and apparently is full of “talents,” although the competition didn’t have a talent portion. Not surprisingly, Henley is jaw-droppingly gorgeous. Too bad her tiny voice doesn’t match up with the perfectly molded package.

Stormi “I Really Want To See How Far I Can Make It On My Talent” Henley sings “Papa Can You Hear Me.”

Henley is whatever. Not great. Not bad. And Steven and Randy let her through much to Jennifer’s chagrin.

We guess Henley will have to try another competition to see how far she gets by on talent.

Obviously, American Idol has no interest in her “talents.” Well, not her vocal ones at least.

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