American Mustache Institute Tells Boston Red Sox To Stop Growing Beards

(Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

(Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

No one is sure if this is a joke or totally serious, but the Boston Red Sox received a cease & desist letter from the American Mustache Institute to stop the beardmania.

According to Yahoo! Sports, the Red Sox allegedly are guilty of “beardism trademark infringement.” The AMI says the Red Soxs are promoting their World Series Beards, and that transgresses upon the institute’s “ownership of the Sexually Dynamic Mustached American Lifestyle.”

You can read the full letter, in all of its tongue-in-cheek glory, at Yahoo! Sports.

We went around the room to see what we’d like to have a cease and desist on. Julie is done with kids having to have snacks all the time; they get snacks at school, at home, and at soccer games. John wants his girlfriend to stop putting her unshaved legs on him when they share the couch. Web Girl Leslie chimed in that the BitStrip cartoons on Facebook need to go away. Tony wants pop stars and celebrities to stop giving names to their fanbases.

Then we turned the tables on each other and served cease and desists to our coworkers.


  • Tony needs to stop being such a pot stirrer. Also, he needs to stop dipping and keeping a spit cup in the studio.
  • John doesn’t need to stop doing anything, according to Julie. He’s awesome.


  • Julie needs to cut back on the bathroom breaks. World’s Smallest Bladder.
  • Tony needs to stop sending John food pictures. It’s so wrong that John can’t eat what Tony is cooking.


  • John needs to stop eating apples in studio.
  • Julie should stop asking every two minutes “How much time do we have?”

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