Post-Thanksgiving Tales Of Turkey Trauma

(Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

(Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

Now that Thanksgiving has passed, we have new stories of Turkey Day Trauma to tell. Here are our 2013 Turkey Fail Tales.

Before Thanksgiving, Tony had a lot to do. He went to the movies, but even before that, he had to begin preparing the turkey. He was going to marinate the turkey in brine, so he needed help getting in the 20-pound bird into the bag of brine. He realized that the bag might be leaking, so he tried to lift it up. The plastic bag broke, sending raw turkey and juices all over Tony and the kitchen. He began freaking out about the raw turkey that now covered him, so he began to strip his clothes immediately. He didn’t want to shower until the kitchen was clean, but eventually both he and his kitchen were scrubbed of remaining raw turkey juice.

Julie had her mother-in-law, her sister-in-law, and her sister-in-law’s new husband Archer. Everyone likes Archer; he’s pretty cool. As they were discussing what they should do for their visit, Julie suggested taking her mother-in-law to the Bush Presidential Library and Museum as she has yet to visit as well. Archer made it clear that he was not a Bush supporter and would not go at all. Julie’s mother-in-law said, Fine, we just won’t go, in hopes of guilting Archer into relenting. He stood his ground, so they didn’t go.

John’s guest list doubled during Thanksgiving dinner. He had a dinner planned for 12, but he ended up with 20 people eating. As he was cutting the turkey, the doorbell rang. It was one his little brother’s friends. John let him in and resumed carving the turkey. The doorbell rang again, and it was another one of his brother’s friends. Additionally, John’s girlfriend Mandy invited her best friend Nicole; she invited her dad who also invited her brother. John and Mandy made way too much food in anticipation of awesome leftovers, but with the extra people, there were minimal leftovers to enjoy.

Tony had a friend who texted that he was running late to dinner. He actually asked Tony to make him a plate and set it aside for him.


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