Julie’s Jabbers: A Brief History of Trampy Clothes

When I was about 13-years-old, I decided it was time to change my whole look. I was a young woman and dying to attempt the styles of my fashion muses, who were Madonna and, oddly enough, Kelly LeBrock’s character Lisa from “Weird Science.”

You could call my adopted style “Big Hair, Bra Straps & Short Skirts.” I topped it all off with a staggering amount of blue eye shadow and Aqua Net.

My Mom was NOT a fan of my new look. I remember one day in particular when I really went for it. I put on a Flashdance sweatshirt, black pleather mini-skirt, fishnets and my all-time FAVORITE hot pink pumps. I thought I was KILLING IT. I found my Mom & told her to take me to the mall so I could meet my friend Melissa.

Mom’s exact words were, “You look like a street walker!”

I had no idea what that meant, but it didn’t matter because Mom took me to the mall anyway. I’d like to think that she was trying to teach me a lesson but really she was just terrible at saying NO.

I knew as soon as I stepped into Belk that something was terribly wrong. Grown men & women openly stared at me & their eyes didn’t say, “Look at that exciting, fashion-forward young woman!”

I made my way to the Arcade, hoping to find a warmer welcome, where I ran into one of the more popular boys from school. He didn’t know me but he started talking to me anyway and it didn’t take long for the conversation to head south. I didn’t fully understand what he was proposing, but I knew enough to be offended and even feel vaguely threatened.

I called Mom from a payphone and she picked me up immediately. Only 15 minutes has passed but she said nothing about my early departure.

I’d like to say I abandoned slutty attire completely after that, but I didn’t. The fishnets & pleather mini were packed away and only pulled out for Air Band competitions after that. I tucked in the bra-straps and stopped unbuttoning that LAST button, but I wore those hot pink pumps until the heels fell off. I kept attempting new trends (and failed miserably at most), but I never again felt like a lamb fed to the lions the way I did that day.

It’s a story I’d like to tell some of the “fashion-forward” young women I see today, but they would just laugh at me and then wonder why there was an ARCADE inside of a MALL.

But remember this ladies: If you tell the world you’re a Hot Chick, they’ll never let you be anything else. Want proof? Look at my fashion icons today. Poor Kelly LeBrock is now better known for her weight gain and time on Celebrity Fit Club, and what did the world say when Madonna showed up at the Grammy’s this year? Did we discuss the way she changed the world for musicians and women in general?

Nope, we talked about how old she looked.

Even I compared her and that white cane to Colonel Sanders. (Sorry Madonna.)

So heed these words, you beautiful young women of the world. You have so much more to offer than simple T&A, so try putting THAT stuff on display.

And Madonna, I’ve got a place for that white cane of yours. We’ll put it in my attic, right next to the old fishnets & pleather skirts.


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